COWS, COWS, AUDACIOUS AND WILD
(Listen to an original recording with Don Heath, 1992)
Cows, cows, audacious and wild,
undaunted, intrepid, unafraid of a child.
Their brains are as clear of all fear as blue skies
when a child swaggers up to stare straight in their eyes.
Cows, cows so valiant and game,
worthy to bear that auspicious cow name:
IT'S SUCH FUN TO MAKE UP WORDS
THAT REALLY OUGHT TO BE
(It's also fun to listen to others make them up)
Sitting on his doffle
a Floggel floxed a flea--
it's such fun to make up words
that really ought to be.
Not like those dry disphosfories
that flaunt the funless air
and cause the little worpple worms
to mindless mop and stare.
If a wondrous wazzel of a musical man
should hallupp his wupples and wees
with a scumphly toonful of balefully biffles
and fingers whenever he please,
then who could but tintifully waft in the wiffles
if a musical man should but dazzle your diffles
and wipplely wordify windward and wise
and mup and electrify you to the skies?
Not I! I'll not sit on my saplupzing rump
or thonk on my thinkle or drump on the sump
for that would be worst that a maleful of mush
and a slight to the windward, a blight and a blush
to the ringing and singing of swimply delight.
So down on our diffles let's dwip and recite
this much mentioned flutz all throughout the long night,
till when in that morning... we'll lipple with light!
WHY I HAD TO DISCIPLINE OUR UNRULY COW
I balanced once upon the back
of our purebred Gurnsey Cow,
and twenty seven chickens
the farmyard horse, a sow,
all gathered round to watch me strut,
do a cartwheel, show my stuff.
I spun upon her slippery ribs
and pranced up on her spine
then swung out on her twisted horns
did a back flip, (of a kind)
and landed by her feet with ease,
to stare into her placid eyes.
She didn't seem to mind, you know,
her eyes showed not a care,
she mooed and with her lumpy tongue
licked my face, my hair,
until I hollered, "That enough,
don't you know your tongue is rough?"
And so I kicked her in the rump
and locked her in a stall
until she learns some manners--
I can't stand rude cows at all!
OH THOSE BLOOD BLASTING RED POPPIES!
Poppies boom blasting
in a back yard,
crackling blam like red jam;
smack dab and dabbed back
till the rubied snickle snackle
clicked and clacked,
Then those blooming Bolshevicks
fisst and fust
(as they must)
like lightning rust!
WHEN A COW GOES SHOPPING IN THE MALL
When a cow goes shopping in the mall
she must beware of fragile things,
for though she saunters fashionably
her milk-filled udder often swings
and knocks the merchandise askew,
which makes her blush... as it would you.
BASEBALL AT OUR DIAMOND DAIRY
Our cows play baseball in a field
and wear a pitcher for a shield,
one upon each milk-filled udder
as around the bags they scutter.
And if a pitcher often balks
or throwing balls, 5 cows she walks:
they pass that pitcher to the team
to fill it up with milk and cream.
Yet if she still can't put cows out
they know we'll stall the game, no doubt,
and so that pitcher they implore
to pour it on some more and more
until she gets in licks or two
and heckles batters with her moo.
Our milking hands then clap with glee
right up until the time of three
when by those hands the play is stalled
and both teams have their milk recalled.
And thus our cows play very merry
baseball at the diamond dairy.
SPRING'S SPRUNG HE SUNG
(Listen to spring-sprung audio recording)
In the spring
the blue birds sing
and the rich red robins
bip and bop,
and hip and hop
looking for that wibbly worm.
The little lambs and goats and calves
spin in turn
and bip and bop,
and hip and hop
through the green grown field;
and the spring sprung trees yield
cotton soft buds and those light lime leaves.
The winter sky no longer grieves
the earth with brittle cold
but the pale sun grows bold
and spanks the earth with his high hot hand
until she brawls and dances,
shouts and prances
through bird and beast and bud;
then from her mud,
where the sun's gold hands dig deep,
she shakes her flowers from their sleep
till they riot in color and upward sweep!
So it is that all the spring
shows her seasonal ravishing!
A COW COUNTRY CONSORT
(Click here to listen to a wallypadoozed recording)